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Thursday October 21 2021 

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ARCHIVE Mr 666 2007/2008

This report was uncovered in a derelict building in a previously undiscovered part of area 51.and seems to have been compiled by an alien equivilant of David Attenborough who has visited earth to make some sort of documentary about the human race.The group of people he talks about are unknown to the goverment and seem to have been chosen for the basic lack of intellect and communication skills that he mentions in his report back to his planet. Whatever it is, it makes fascinating reading and if you know the whereabout of these people the british goverment, along with m15,fbi and M16 wish to speak to them.Also leading world scientist want to see them, to see if they are real people or are they part of an ongoing experiment by scientists from another planet.Read on.  


Sir, this is the fourth time I have managed to observe the strange behaviour of a group of around 15 males that I've found here on planet earth.I have been here many times, but never have I seen such undeveloped earth creatures as these. They seem to meet every Saturday to kick a round object around a field in short trousers the aim of the game being to pass it to each other in the hope of finally kicking it into a rectangle thing. But they dont seem to have the ability to complete either.Many times after the one they call Westy ( A quiet, young male) has tried to shoot at the rectangle and missed by a space mile, they have to spend hours searching in long grass for the round thing so they can continue playing.They seem to be led by the alpha male named Punk. (An elderly adult, who speaks in a strange accent at times and apparently used to play this game when he was younger) he's often seen displaying signs of the alpha male on the side of the area on which they play as i dont think he's allowed to actually take part. This behaviour, in my opinion is to make up for the fact that he's hairless.Yes, capt Wifledob, this group of males are led by a bald man.How completely insane, but true.However, some of the young males that i've heard communicating with each other like Bodders(A tall one who seems to have trouble controlling the white thing at times) and Cooky ( An under-developed specimen) seem to think that he's and I quote ' a walking shagpile' due to the amount of hair on his back.How true this is I dont know as I'm yet to see him changing into his kit this year. Its always covered in some cheap looking material of some kind. Amongst the group are a couple of specimens that are quite obviously top of the food pecking order as they're abdomen regions are slightly rounder than the others. Joey ( he stands in the rectangle) needs exercise in my opinion as he stands there for most games doing nothing except shouting instructions, which do seem to have an effect on the rest, but he does have magical feet, this I've seen on a couple of occasions.Marcus (a middle aged adult) is the leader on the field it seems and seems to run a lot for a rotund one. Although I dont think he knows in which direction at times.The last one I have time to report on is Vinny.(A lovely looking specimen by his own admission. I have my doubts whether the rest of the group agree) He's a boistrous young male who seems to have developed an art of designing the fur on top of  his head in obscure styles in order to either wind up the Alpha male(Punk) who's fur has all but vanished or to attact the female of the species, but from what I've observed so far the females all seem to be attracted to the one they call Scotty. ( A hugely built male whos in amazing shape.) He must weigh at least 200lbs of pure muscle and if the human race need the mould of a quality specimen, then surely the way forward is to use his. i must go Capt, the group seem to have finished running around and are coming my way. Logging off for now. I shall add to my report from this bizarre place in the future.
**STOP PRESS** This fascinating piece of the same report has just been discovered under a bush by a man walking his dog on the Jim Evison playing fields near wilmslow, England.
Sir, I really needed to write this immeadiately as there has been a breakthrough in events here on earth. I thought I knew the group of socially inept specimens that I've been following very well, but it seems I was wrong.There seems to be a small army of them and there are three new specimes that seem to be even higher leaders than the alpha male of what i now know are called the 3rds and it works on terms of ability to kick or run around alot with the white thing, so, the 3rds seems to be the worst of the bunch. It seems I've been studying, as i first thought, a group of males who are almost complete outcasts that have found friendship in their desperate attempt to try and kick the white thing. There is a higher group than these, and they go by the name of the 2nds.I've spotted what seems to be two alpha males in this group and one of them is the lesser spotted ginger one. I know sir, these are exciting times. As you are well aware, the ginger one was a myth until now.But as i live and breath he's stood no further than a few earth feet away from me. In all my exploits, through stories told to our children, never did I believe that a Ginger exsisted. But it does and it walks upright. I've nothing to compare it to, but it seems a fine species. Quite old and not so quick on its legs but it does exsist and quite remarkably it can communicate with the others.Whether the myth that all gingers carry diseases is true, i'm yet to find out.But it does shatter the story that earth bannished all ginger furred specimens to avoid the embarrasment of producing such an animal. I'll be keeping my five eyes closely fixed on this one. The leader of the 1sts is named Lloydy and he seems to be a true Alpha male. At a guess I estimate his earth age to be close to 45, but mental age of 5 earth years. But sir, this specimen is a true re-prodction machine. Through information gathered i estimate that he's a one male breeding machine and seems to stick closely to his chosen female and ever expanding siblings.I've yet to see him at close quarters  but will be studying him at length as long as I can keep following the group.The 3rds will not pose me any concerns regarding this matter as they dont seem capable of running extremely fast.In fact, I think they are only just learning the art of walking.I'll report again when I can captain.